All posts by winnieup

[20170228.1 X Japan @ London 2017 ~ We Are X Premiere]


Although taking the London Underground was not something new to me, when I saw the poster of the film We Are X on the walls of the tube station, I could not help but shooting tons of photographs of and with them. I did not count exactly how many stations in which this sheet of ad was advertised, but basically this ad appeared to all of the the tube stations I stepped in.


In order to welcome the great day of possibly meeting Yoshiki and the director Stephen Kijak in person in a short distance at the film’s Premiere in London, as early as I could, I went to check out the Picturehouse Central location at Piccadilly Circus in London.  It was arranged that there would be Premiere of the film We Are X followed by a Q&A session with them.

I arrived at the venue three hours in advance. The Picturehouse Central is situated in London’s 19th-century, Grade II-listed Trocadero building. It is gorgeous inside and out, housing a coffee shop on the first floor and a cafe on the second, where the screens on the third floor and up.  Visiting this building could be of a relaxing and rewarding tour itself.

Immediately after entering the Picturehouse, an enormous red staircase captured my eyes. The red tiles shined all over the floor. Above the colorful staircase, countless number of light bulbs were hanging down from the ceiling irregularly. The red staircase served as the “Red Carpet” and I was told that anyone who comes in must walk through and up on the red staircase before he/she could reach the upper floors for press conference, reception party, and to any of the screens for the films.  I found a coffee table upstairs for myself and planned to spend the time before the film premiere enjoying my afternoon cake there on top of the red staircase. That must be the best spot to watch Yoshiki walk up, I thought.

After half way through my cake, unexpected I was asked to move away from the coffee table – the best spot to catch Yoshiki. The staff needed to reshuffle the seats and tables for better layout for the film premiere.  Disappointedly, I rushed to finish my cake and left my seat. At the same time, I started seeing people coming in with professional cameras, flowers, and gifts. The Picturehouse was filled with excitement, press, fans, and my heartbeat.

Suddenly, a familiar face appeared in front of me and this was the director. “Stephen,” I said to him. I thanked him for tweeting my previous article about the We Are X film. His reaction told me that he did not know me and was surprised to hear me talking to him while he was expecting someone whom he knew to escort him to the press conference area, which was held at the cafe on the second floor.

Unfortunately the responsible person did not show up on time to welcome this VIP. Poor Mr. Director was stuck at the entrance with a security guard blocking his way.  I tried to convinced the security guard that Stephen is indeed the director of the film and he should let him in. The guard insisted that without any proof he would not believe that Stephen was the director, and therefore could not let him in.

I, knowing what was going on for the past few hours, decided to help this stranger out. Several minutes later, I helped him find the organizer whom I met earlier in the cafe, and eventually the director found a way to go… Stephen was so pleased that I found him the right person so he could gain access to the press conference.  Before he entered the prohibited area, he gave me a big “thank you” by accepting my request and gladly took a selfie with me.[20170228©winnieup.StephenKijak@WeAreXPremiere.London]

It was indeed an honor to have the director tweeted my article ~ [] and quite an interesting experience for me to be able to help and take selfie with the director. Such an incident made me feel fabulous.

It was a quarter till six o’clock, and my heart was beating faster and faster as the time went by.  Yoshiki was still nowhere to be found.  According to his Facebook, his arrival time was 6:00pm. It was a long lasting 15 minutes.  Just as what I would usually do, I walked around and talked to strangers, staff, and random people. A superstar like Yoshiki would always be late rather than being early or on time. That was what I had in my mind.

Life is, as presented in the We Are X film, unexpected, unpredictable, interesting, beautiful, and full of surprises.

While I was walking down the staircase trying to chat with the staff again, screaming noise came from the entrance. Before I could realize and react, a gorgeous gentleman with his beautiful face behind Ray-Ban sunglasses inside a red-and-black velvet long jacket appeared in front of me from virtually nowhere. “YOSHIKI” was the only word that leaked out from my month, and the only action I was able to take was to insert my right hand into my right pocket and got my iPhone out from it to shoot a photo of this smiling-and-walking-quietly-but-quickly celebrity within a nano-second  of time.

I also carried a Nikon camera my father lent me and at that time the Nikon camera had zero efficiency and played no role to the event since my brain and arms were too slow to react. Several pounds of weight that was hanging around my neck made no sense to me at this particular moment.

Finally, this image was the only photo of Yoshiki I took with my iPhone before the Premiere, while I spent all afternoon strategically figuring out how to get the best angle and take the greatest shots of him with my Nikon camera.

Life is out of control most of the time, so is the camera sometimes.

Copyright © 2017 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20170225 X Japan @ London 2017 ~ Prelude]


London.  My favorite city – amongst the cities I have visited so far in my life in the past x years.

In December 2016, I bumped into a film, “We Are X”, that “changed my perspective to life, changed my attitude to life, and changed my approach toward life.” ~ []  After my first encounter with X Japan introduced by the “We Are X” film on 18 December 2017, I kept going to the cinemas in Hong Kong and watched it for 5 more times. I keep doubting myself why this film did not win any awards from the Oscars (Academy Awards).  It is a shame that an awesome film like this would not be recognized for its outstanding quality.  Due to the superb quality that rarely exists in a film, I urge myself to watch it as long as it is shown in the cinema.  After the Hong Kong “special screening”, it was being shown in the “Picture Houses” in London.  I therefore watched it 3 more times in the Pictures Houses in London, and then 1 more time on a larger-than-IMAX-screen at the X Japan concert in the Wembley Arena in London a few months later.

In between, it happened that the “YOSHIKI Classical Special with Orchestra – HONG KONG” was held on 29 December 2017 in Hong Kong.  Something pathetic happened to the concert – it was nearly being cancelled.  Nevertheless, the way Yoshiki handled the situation regarding the concert matter, his reaction to what had happened, and how he treated the people who supposed to be responsible for the issue drew my attention to his personal characteristic and made me respect and appreciate him more as a human being in addition to my admiration for him being a talented musician.

I started listening to Yoshiki’s classical music, orchestral music as well as his heavy metal, hard rock, and punk music (whatever people categorize him/his band) he created for his band X Japan.  In fact, he also composed the orchestral versions for the X Japan songs and released albums for them.  The crossover between the classical and the band sounds by Yoshiki embarked such a magical effect that keeps the audience listen to their songs again and again because the songs cover wide variety of music elements on top of the already breathtaking melody and the poetlike lyrics.

After discovering the drum playing style and the piano playing skills, I understand why people could be inextricably attracted to Yoshiki. His drum playing is not only of a high-level skills presentation, that is extremely fast, precise and rhythmic, but also blends in with his body and soul.  His piano playing is not only special and sophisticated, but also a display of passion, expression, and emotion.  His playing is more than an eye-pleasing performance, it is like striving to intrude his passion and life into his audience’s heart, mind, and soul.

The more I watch X Japan’s live concert with my computer on the internet, the more I want to watch them live with my naked eyes on real stage.

Then, I heard that X Japan had planned to have a concert in my favorite city – London in March 2017.  Seriously I told myself, that I have to seize the chance to watch them.  I am not allowing myself to regret again after not listening to their music for the past 35 years and missing all of their concerts throughout the past years.  I am convinced that attending and participating a live concert of X Japan is one of the must-do things in life.

My original plan was to fly to catch the X Japan concert on the day of arrival and then spend the rest of the week traveling in London. But a wise friend of mine suggested me to swap my plan – to tour around town first, and save the best for last.  At the end, I cannot thank my friend enough, that his wisdom created the opportunity for me to see Yoshiki and met the director Stephen Kijak in person during “We Are X” Film London Premiere and the Q&A session.  My friend’s advice also led me to meet the full band of X Japan (Yoshiki, Toshl, Pata, Heath, and Sugizo) during their first-in-twenty-year’s signing event at HMV in London on the day of release of the “We are X” Soundtrack CD.

In the night of 25 February 2017, “after having lost the precious time of the past years not enjoying the best music possible found on earth“, I headed to my favorite city to see The First Live concert of my favorite band in my life.

Copyright © 2017 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20170214 ~ My Valentine: “We Are X”]


[20161218©winnieup. WeAreXFilm@Broadway.TheOne.TST.HK]

Before I watched the film, “We Are X”, I did not know how big X Japan was, nor do I know who Yoshiki is.

One day in December 2016, I was about to watch another movie at a cinema in Hong Kong.  A word “SOLD OUT” on one of the TV screens at the ticket counter area caught my attention. I got curious and found out that it was showing the status of the Special Screening of the film “We Are X”.

The poster of the film showed a drummer standing on top of the drum-set, and the description stated that it was a film about the band, X Japan.  X Japan, I remember seeing their vinyl album cover back in the 80s, they were heavy metal rock band from Japan.  That was all I knew about the film and the band. I did not know anything about Yoshiki.

Since I started learning drums recently, I thought watching it could be of something interesting. Out of curiosity, I bought myself the last ticket left of the next show. As such, I bumped into this film by total accident.

An accident that changed my perspective to life, changed my attitude to life, and changed my approach toward life.

People say that they watch this movie because of X Japan, or because of Yoshiki. To the entire opposite, I watch it because I know absolutely nothing at all about X Japan nor have I heard any songs being composed, performed, arranged, played, or produced by its bandleader, Yoshiki.

Yet, after watching the film, I keep watching the film.  After start listening to X Japan and Yoshiki’s music, I cannot stop listening to their music.

Now, I have a strong feeling that I have wasted the past 35 years of my life NOT listening to X Japan and Yoshiki’s songs. I feel that I have lost the precious time of the past years not enjoying the best music possible found on earth. I regretted genuinely not knowing Yoshiki earlier for the admiration of his skills of drum playing; for the discovery of cross-boundary mix of classical and rock music; plus, for the appreciation of his passion and dedication for music and piano playing so I could be practicing piano more persistently when I was a little kid.

The excitement, brings to me from a film, is that I do not know what is going on and what might appear next on the big screen. I like surprise. The fact that I know completely nothing (but their name) about X Japan brought me mind-blowing experience watching this film. I was in shock, during and after, watching this film.

Although the film appears to be presented in piecemeal format and a timeline not too easy to follow, I find it inescapably represents what it is trying to talk about: Life.  Life, as a matter of fact, is always unexpected, out of order, and fragmented; things in life could happen quite suddenly and abruptly, often similar to this manner. The way the director edits the film might have messed up the logical mindset of the audience, yet indeed it fits the mood and rhythm of the film, and sets precisely what the mode should be for this piece of documentary, ambitiously saying that life is not logical.

Life is never predictable. Unexpected incidents happen all the time. Speaking of which, due to this “total accident” bumping into this film, I submersed myself into one of the best, breathe-taking, eye-opening, and undoubtedly enjoyable moments of my life – watching the film, We Are X.

Just like a song has an intro and outro, the movie also starts and ends with gorgeous images along with beautiful music of X Japan and Yoshiki’s. The film brilliantly presents the heart of the history of X Japan with the (relatively new, 2011) song  “Jade” at the beginning of the film.  The intro is so attractive that blocks everything else away from my mind, and drives me deeply into the abyss of the film.

Usually, documentary films discuss or disclose about a story. Yet, We Are X engages a story rather than displaying it to its audience. On one hand, someone like me, who knew nothing about the band, have been educated by the film about the rich history of X Japan; at the same time, I overwhelmingly felt and experienced the successfulness and the painfulness that they had gone through throughout the years with them via the film. After a stream of dramatic yet realistic facts being presented in front of the audience, the film ends with the concert of the reunited X Japan, along with the their stunning new theme song of the film “La Venus”.

By opening with the still images of the original members of X Japan with “Jade” as the background music, and ending with the motion video of the reunited X Japan with “La Venus” plus many other mind-blowing songs of X Japan revealing the bittersweet story of the members in between. “We Are X” is not only an entertaining and documenting film, but also a brilliantly made memorable masterpiece.

No matter how many times I watch the movie, it never seems enough. The film “We are X” is not only about “death and life of X Japan”, as quoted in the flyers, it is also about everything in between: love, friendship, family, fame, depression, self-saving, self-destroying, pioneering, rebellious, innovation, boldness, pride, jealousy, selfishness, success, failure, happiness, tragedy, leadership, conflicts, lost, gain, hope, hopelessness, hatred, give-up, pain, decency, culture, society, norm, ignorance, art, music, broke-up, reunited, memory, dreams, and human being.

Life, as sophisticated as X Japan’s, can be elegant, tasteful, painful, and altogether, beautiful. In addition to its unpredictable and surprising nature, when you look back, you can still feel the abundance of it.  Although painful memories must be part of it, life can still bring you light and strength as long as you can find a way to “co-exist with the pains” (quoted from Yoshiki).

Watching “We Are X” is incomparable with watching any other film I have ever seen. Surrounded by extreme darkness, sitting in front of a huge screen, enjoying a splendid film, listening to the impressive music, glancing over the stunning images, and going through the overwhelming, dramatic, and outraging history of X Japan and Yoshiki, I feel like I am not merely watching a film, but also going through life and death and everything in between together with them, in tears and through my heart, all within 93 minutes of time.

Eventually, as of the issue date of this article, I have watched it in the cinema for six times. If it keeps being shown in the cinema, I will keep watching it again and again. Every time I watch it, it seems like layers of life of X Japan being peeled off, and different levels of fruitful yet unpredictable thunders being poured out for the audience to taste; for the eyes, for the ears, for the mind, and for the heart to grasp and absorb. I can keep watching it, and keep discovering how the director “Introducing X Japan…Japan…Japan…!

Copyright © 2017 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160808 – 是時候想念]


日月如梭光陰似箭,從從前對妳的痴纏,到到處遊玩不再對妳掛念,有一段時間實在不想與妳有任何牽連。 外面的世界對我來說的而且確太新鮮,而妳的歷史和存在於我已開始厭倦,所有與妳有關係的人物事情物件,我也無心關心無力點算。 東南西北四方八面,總有好奇或好事的人們向我問起妳的一點點,我漸漸,迴避逃避避免,他們的話題中有機會讓妳的名字出現;想否認曾經與妳情牽一線。 是愛得太深恨成反面,還是感情太淺﹖ 我毫無頭緒腦筋混亂,只知對妳的感覺突然消失似煙,感觸消失得這麼突然……

還清楚記得事情發生不太久遠,為了妳的努力我支持不斷,為了妳的成功我喝采難眠。 日復一日掛念,心頭腦際都在渴望妳的出現,整天回味妳令我引以為榮的出眾表現。 祗要聽著看著想著會有妳在的場面,我必定忘返地流連,要控制自己尖叫著的聲線。 我為了妳試過淚光暗閃,經歷過感動場面,感受過哽咽;妳也為了我跨越過許多試煉,付出過犧牲、承受過轉變。 當時我的心仍緊貼妳旁邊,會目不轉睛的盯著妳的臉,愛妳的所有優點及缺點,百分百的接納妳好的和壞的各方面……

捱不了多少年,我發覺自己在不擇手段,用盡辦法要將我們間的關係絕緣。 像天下間許多不幸的愛情故事一樣我們的故事沒法子繼續發展,對不起我沒有說對不起或再見,就此了斷。 原因不詳不過解釋也不短,不如不說便算。 總之總在畫清界線,我有我的生活新的打算,理不了妳有甚麼的發展,往甚麼方向盤旋;免不了都不想跟妳有任何糾纏。

不過最近我發覺自己的再次心軟,看著妳又在世人面前,綻放光芒遙遙領先,其他國家都變得失色黯然。 跳水排球羽毛球乒乓球每仗也贏得漂亮必然,離開了我四年的愛國心情突然又重新湧現心田,感動和激動的淚水,再次沾濕我面。

看著紅色五星旗緩緩升起國歌飄耳邊,也許是時候想念。 我反覆思考對祖國的情誼竟然是那麼膚淺片面,內疚感佔據著我身體髮膚的每一吋、侵蝕著我辜負了的中國遺傳!


Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160404 – 我們的問題和我們的問題]







Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160401 – 愚人節]



有這樣的一個女子,剛掏盡所有身家銀紙,以及未來的五年血汗換來這福士;感覺與一般新任車主無異,不敵於一剎那身份特殊;興奮難平只想晝夜高速飛馳,挑戰斜率不停朝夕低波嘗試。然而,當她減速至三十哩時,卻聽見異常聲音來自天窗方向約略與風扇所發聲音相似;心頭於是開始猶豫,怕這新車子,機件出了甚麼事;腦袋立時忐忑不已,想不如將車駛回代理公司?便當真即時,找著他們討論修理事宜。她留下鑰匙,回家等通知,一等便三小時。忙碌但盡責而友善的服務員試車後不忍取笑她無知,又不想迂迴曲折兜圈子,惟有照直向她告知:車子及機件相安無事,他們毋需轉動一口鏍絲。那聲音的而且確與風扇所發聲音相似:因為那是在時速三十哩時,有風穿越天窗所致。檢查報告指一切運作如常操作自如有如簇新車子~哦, 原來如此!

她放下心頭大石後拉下倘大窗子, 讓疾風吹著她無限愜意, 顧著開心便忘記甚麼是「何需掛齒」,不怕陽光離異,不覺陰雲蔽虧凌厲時雨將至⋯⋯過了很多個一會兒, 她決定將旅程稍為停止,回家做點事。怎知,翌日起來大件事!她延續著昨日情痴,又再事不宜遲,大清早起來便拔腿飛身撲向軑盤位置;卻發現沒有關那倘大的窗子!才醒悟昨晚離車時,抽身頓走關門了事!她欲哭無淚痛心疾首後悔不已;目瞪口呆望著濕透了的地毯酸透了鼻子。她熬了一整小時,花盡了心思、用吸水機吸盡所有水份子。她照盡了鏡子、費盡了唇舌向自己訓辭:不可不可不可再有下次!

她小心翼翼平穩過渡了三百六十五日次,認為那已是滑鐵盧一役元氣已大傷不會再魯莽大意。心疼心愛車子,水深似水塘樣子!故從此以後每次泊車時,不得不特別留意,定必保證左邊門窗已牢牢關上令空氣無隙可乘雨水無計可施。今次, 她正在品嚐著西雅圖咖啡安躺在柔軟梳化椅、聽雷電交加看細雨絲絲、追憶著剛才泊車時的動作舉止。在另一次閃電時她心頭卻突然閃過一陣寒意:想到沿路曾嫌天氣翳悶風不過耳,便順手牽開了天窗容空氣流通避免與車內的侷促對峙……想起來好像是這麼一回事~噢!又再來一次,可憐福士又讓洪水淹至!唉,真不濟事!


Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160327 – 復活節]


今年的復活節去不成日本長野附近、一處叫白馬的地方滑雪旅行~其實早於數週前的三月頭已跟朋友同行,於這山頭滑雪板滑上了癮,一直有顆「趁四個紅日再過白色假期」的野心。可惜我的野心,始終不敵於假期時份、機票價格格鬥的天昏地暗,令我這個正常人,覺得付兩倍以上的機票價錢怎說也心有不甘、一個月內二遊日本似乎也有些過份。結果我選擇了重動腦筋、轉載覆述 n 年前發生於我身上一些有關「復活」的幾節逸事趣聞。


在福士車主朋友苦口婆心叮囑忠告警告我我不領好心,似已立心決心放心買下我第一部Volkswagon。 不過我其實優柔寡斷滿腦疑心,不時借故向他質問,問甚麼令他對這德國牌子車子缺乏信心?有若干證據有多少確鑿有幾許推成份?危險程度又是否媲美RX Seven?抑或原是由於此車廠名堂太響面目可憎?朋友見好言相勸軟硬兼施仍贏不了我對他絲毫信心,祗剩我滿口疑問,和剔不掉的一些笨;他便坦言相向告訴我知他不知這車子何時有毛病發生,只知毛病有隨時發生的可能⋯⋯這便是問題的根。我勉強附和了他毋寧兩可的答問,不好意思徒添他對其車子頻壞的怨恨、不好挑起他的不忿,不好氣氛。

結果我還是動了手動了筆桿動了身,接受了貸款承受了代步的方便享受了可以隨意到處兜風旅行:身體力行,體現了做車主的身份。怎料某天我的 GTI 無緣無故竟亮不了車尾燈,我才隱約記起我好友的教訓:『不知這車子何時有毛病發生,只知毛病有隨時發生的可能⋯⋯』 但我向自己解釋說:『三年時間已過利刀也會鈍了刃, 何況燈泡壽命完結並非沒可能。』 我以繁忙為藉口以節儉為理由地掏了三個月也掏不出金錢時間換這盞小燈,由它暗自昏暗!~然而可幸也可恨:這車尾燈卻在沒帶任何外力挿手下無端復原再次亮燈,減了我的費心增了我的趣聞!


這邊廂我在慶幸,那邊廂看著油價急升使我落魄失魂。 我見油費和郵費不停穩步上揚逐日激增,不禁黯然自家與各界升斗市民,分分秒秒惶惶人心。那天我入油後顧著抱怨石油出口商人及政府官員的忍心,任油價高昇企穩;顧不著入油程序怎樣履行,便怒氣沖沖的驅車開行,如常到自動洗車機器把車子清潔同時讓自己的悶氣洗滌壓沉。可惜被壓沉了的怒氣在稍後卻又再暴漲奔騰,半小時車程完畢後我才發現油缸蓋子不翼而飛油缸小門不曾關緊,才回憶起剛才洗車時有高壓猛水狂噴,我便眉頭一皺心頭一緊,想像著油缸內被高壓注入滿污水泥塵;唉~嗚呼哀哉車子的油缸蓋丟了又有油缸入水之可能,心頭頃刻密佈慘霧愁雲。我抱著一點憤怨和半點希望趕回油站附近,四處張目掃看不住向人探問,祈望會遇上有心人,會在路上拾遺拾起蓋子拾回我車子完整的存在感! ~然而耐心換開心:最終竟讓我發現它安躺在洗車場內又幾經沖洗浸,反弄得乾淨俐落油漬去盡煥然一新!


當我正在公司與同事分享這罕有福份,和分析時局論油價飛漲局勢不穩⋯卻不知何時潛入了賊仔竟超音速地完成了偷竊暴行:在我離開工作桌子不過數分鐘之時間內進行。我在沒任何線索毫無頭緒破案無門之時只有於心不忍、對身邊所有同事大起疑心、對各界築起防線小心慬慎。銀行向我透露說賊人已運用了我的信用卡動用了銀行資金,地點是某油站時間是早上十一時零七分。我欲藉此蛛絲馬跡陌路追尋,奢望會查出真相實情找出真兇是誰人。我報失報警落案望歹徒報應落網將所偷銀包回贈,可是這當然是妙想天開沒甚可能;警察又視之為瑣碎小事說損失不過幾元美金,幹嗎如此著緊?!我唯有對警方失望死心, 對賊方懷恨在心, 對己方深表遺憾。



Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160222 – 情書2046]

150408 Outfit

在沒有你的日子我結識了許多朋友,你不用為我擔憂,我也不用為你憂愁。 現在我要走,身邊的人也稍作挽留,你卻沒有來書信來電話來電郵;你不用動甚麼腦筋毋須移一根指頭,已輕而易舉把我的心傷透! 朋友有朋友的男朋友女朋友,我有的只是普通或要好朋友、以及朋友朋友的朋友、甚至知音知心知己老友,我只有愛的無盡頭無回應無回收,雖曾經擁有曾經擁有,但永遠沒有天長地久。 你運用我對朋友的友誼代替你與我的愛情鴻溝;利用我朋友的口,告訴我友情比愛情更難求……

我在你的生日前費盡心神費煞思量費周折找幫手,生日當天買禮物切蛋糕攪派對開香檳替你祝壽,生日後令你有回味無窮的時候。 你也說過會在我的生日請客吃魚生喝日本酒;又見我的記事簿又細又殘又舊,說我的生日知道有甚麼禮物可供認購 — 我只管等著有合用心水禮物接收,必定愛不惜手… 到到了我的生日變成生夜、我吃了四個蛋糕吹了數十支蠟燭飲過了半打啤酒,你仍然不知所蹤不致電不留言問候。 我再等了四十個失望的鐘頭,查了電郵,開盡了電子生日卡來自各方親朋好友,硬是沒有來自你打字的一雙手。 聽了電話錄音後,高興於生日的祝福來自知己好友;頃刻後,又覺悟沒有你的聲線在錄音帶裡頭,我一面興奮難休、一面對你詛咒!

捱過了一年半載,我的愛你還是不接受不拒絕不裝載。 我雖然習慣了等待,如習慣了直立不動的盤栽,還是忍不住要割開,與你這似是剪不斷理還亂的愛。 你來不及問我為什麼要離開,我已將行李家具執拾起來; 我來不及讓你有一點點離別的無奈,你已被淹沒在我的思海……別為我擔心感慨,我是實在看得開。 這些年來,我抱著我的理想與你的不羈活下來,與一般平凡女子一樣冀盼等待:一面口邊說著不著緊情愛,一面奢望伴侶的到來。 可惜你還未姍姍遲來,我已跟你分開……

經不起這一場還未發生的戀愛,我的心已遭割斷被撕開。 趁現在,我的知覺還在,一室花味滿載,酒精及香水的味散開,要免去藕斷絲連的感慨。 將思念你的記憶一一拆毀開來,把關於你的故事慢慢溶於思海;不會惦掛我們間的歷史記載,不會回味我們間的趣事精彩;清空電腦中你寄給我的電子郵件袋、洗濯我腦中你寄居著的面孔笑容及可愛。 你有你的學士碩士博士未來,我有我的繽紛燦爛耀眼將來。 抱歉我決定會與你在三十年之內,暫時分開,牽繫不再。

不過你永遠不會明白不會知道這封信的內容,你亦不會內疚感動,我也不必傷感心痛。 因這些文字你看不懂,與你的祖國語言並不互通;我正在學習你的文字文化民風,可以的話請耐心等待我把你的語言融會貫通、 數十年後將此信翻譯後才讓你把我的心看懂!

Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160214 – 如果我愛你]

150402 Outfit
儲存在相簿內的照片,我看極也看不厭;徘徊在腦海的俏臉,我想極也想不倦。 電話筒內的聲音聲線,我聽著也覺溫暖;互聯網上的電子郵件,我收下便覺蜜甜。 送我的太陽花鮮艷,我會逐朵晒乾保存;以低分貝聲浪於電話錄音機的留言,我會播完一遍又一遍。 你的所有優點,我會將其放大十倍隆而重之好好彰顯;你的全部缺點,我會將之縮小壓碎掩人耳目隱而不見。

每晚睡覺之前,將我們間所經歷過的每個小節及事件,從頭到尾仔細重溫一百遍,回味點滴都是珍貴的片段,我才能夠安心入眠。 每朝睡醒以前,你的印象比第一口醒來呼吸的空氣更新鮮,我怕呼吸系統也懂得叛變,唯有忍痛暫時與你的印象一刀兩斷。 呼吸正常後我的思想卻開始紊亂,你鮮明的輪廓及染過的髮端又相繼湧現,我祗有讓撇極也撇不掉的你的臉,繼續侵佔我心田。

每朝起床後如常刷牙洗面,你的影子會如常重疊在我的模糊視線。 我正在思考挑選,當日上班的衣物項鍊,你的聲音會在空氣中盤旋,為我的決定加入意見,彷彿你就站在我跟前。 我駕車往返公司的兩個時段,你的名字會一直干擾我的思想路線,教我無法孤身作戰,不可專心獨自流連。

在睡夢中你頻繁的出現,告訴我白天你不懂說的諾言;在白日夢中你也跟隨著我的腦電波的航線,絡繹不絕的與我碰面。 夢中不想對你說再見,怕別後的悠長掛念;夢醒後不期然有無限懷念,好像我們已被分隔了億萬年。 看得見你的時候我神不守舍情迷意亂,看不到你的片刻我心不在焉無盡掛牽……

以上的故事大抵是一則動聽的預言,存在於愛與夢的邊緣,美麗得令人神迷目眩。 理所當然,假設如果有這麼一天,一切便物換境遷:我會不理會誰贏了總統大選,忘卻了甚麼支氣管炎,不再害怕冷凍氣候寒嚴,忘掉了是不是時候看不看得見太陽的臉,不會賴在床上睡腫眼簾,不會那麼緊張工作表現,不會棄置櫥具於水龍頭邊,不會空置雪櫃平白浪費電源。

不能操縱的愛情永遠像死結在纏,沒有把握的夢想始終都難以成全。 我對自己不住在勸,要耐心靜候這個完美的你的出現,可是我知我祗在對自己敷衍,完整的人生斷沒理由不被愛情霸佔。 披頭四的歌播了一段,大衛保兒的都播完,紅蘿蔔蛋糕吃了一大件,特大Mocha咖啡也喝到了杯的底線,我呆坐在充滿節日氣氛中的咖啡屋中一臉茫然。 我夢想中的愛情依舊空白一片,依附在敞大的繽紛的幻想後面。

上帝叫世人比天使微少一點,我也祗會在天父面前,稍為把你看得微少一點,暫且將你擱置一邊。 復活節當日便是耶穌基督降生二千零十六週年,天父捨生的愛我還來不及報答懷緬,那談得上向別人再付出一點點﹖

Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160101 – 二千年前後]

150502 Outfit@20160101







Copyright © 2000, 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.