All posts by winnieup

[20200404 – 繞樑三日]

一月某日逛完旺角書

我低姿態地咀嚼著低脂蛋糕,越覺得以這現代化高科技產物配咖啡因略為糟糕;與手中捧著的心愛作者的新書一樣無甚味道。希望越大失望越大絕望越近只因期望太高?! 我花了五小時時間逛了四間書店再三搜捕,又輕而易舉地見她作品琳瑯滿佈,可惜我一面翻閱但覺滿目瘡痍慘不忍睹!她有她的作品恆河沙數,挾文壇才女稱號、活躍歌詞書刊戲劇日報,踏上文藝星途;我心頭為她喝采叫好、心底委實不知所措。她從前舊作頗具雕刻難度、活現行文情操;內容創作出奇制勝想像力豐富可觀性甚高;目下新作少談天說地獨特奇想多男歡女愛親密關係稍落俗套。現在我一目十行看不到其深度、過目即忘看得見其潦草。我心情沉重黯然神傷搞不清想不明估不到,她推新出陳穿鑿附會呆滯刻板陳腔濫調的妥協程度。是我要求過高,標準太難達到;還是新時代文化低落文字沒落下於唱片騎師雜誌記者外另一文人淪落委曲求全的預告?! 惟願她早日回頭是岸自我檢討、別繼續技高一籌博學多才鶴立雞群卻深藏不露!

二月某日於沙田親王醫

祖母痊癒後還未休養夠便被勸要退房讓床出院,這是醫院慣常動作家人早有預算,大家在靜待手續辦完,當時是上午十點。一份報紙看了兩遍,傳說中的主診醫生尚未出現,預約巡房時間已到是上午十一點。秒針跳動於鴉雀無聲的病房中如唱針跳線,跳了三千六百下後只見送飯工人開始團團轉,轉不著任何午餐到祖母面前,卻轉來了中午十二點。當值醫生聽說不會在午飯時間來搗亂,當然我們只有啞口無言,繼續呆待至下午一點。忍耐和等待離我愈來愈遠,怒愈來愈盛氣愈來愈短;眼看著太陽泛黃光線,把下午二時照穿。祖母力竭聲嘶喊破喉嚨地「姑娘、姑娘、姑娘」叫至口軟,這護士竟失魂落魄目瞪口呆如風過耳邊;我忍不住問她為什麼聽而不聞視若無睹越走越遠?她恍然大悟後回贈予我們晦氣敷衍:說醫生始終會來巡手續始終會辦完,又拖至下午三點當時被褥已晒暖。不清楚是主診當值還是巡房的醫生終於出現,以為可以一問病歷長短,怎料他風塵僕僕趕下場我的問題他答得冷淡膚淺:又開漏藥方忘記配藥丸。道聽塗說中的醫者父母心到底往了哪裡鑽?

三月某日於太子扒

弟弟與女友多得報紙雜誌週刊,合力吹捧大肆宣揚,好奇於這「扒王」以新鮮美國入口牛排作標榜。他們興高采烈為試這扒房,不惜於冷風凜冽沙塵滾滾下在門外排隊也不相干,花四十五分鐘看附近一帶靜中帶旺。入座點餐時發現侍應腳亂手忙,便不敢對服務態度有所期望。上碟時見扒不在鐵板上,當下覺得不大妥當,伙計搶先搭嘴解釋『這種牛扒不宜太熟避免加熱故以普通碟上』。他們儘管信他一趟;然而下手卻似在切牛肉乾!弟弟愛扒如命到處品嚐,也從未遇這麼貴價牛扒會如斯長相;此時經理見狀,他慢條斯理地不慌不忙,高聲維護說『這種牛扒必須偏熟應該加熱故應以鐵板上』 – 與先前侍應的論調完全相反方向!他還變本加厲態度甚囂塵上,大條道理來歪曲事實真相:誇口擔保牛排真材實料天天美國空運到港、拍心口口不對心地撒謊;好像看得穿在這世上,沒有美國居民會回來香港,回香港不會到其餐廳品嚐,這裡的所謂美國扒王!

 [原稿寫於 2000 年 3月15日]

Copyright © 2020 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20200303 – 貼錢買難受]

抱著日本雜誌在手, 於信和地庫某舖頭, 見售貨員黑面黑口。在付款時禮貌地向他詢問該店接受信用卡與否? 店員以理直氣壯理所當然口吻表示要價錢的3% 手續附費加收。我隨便怨了句說這是哪裡來的理由, 他搶答辯:『小姐我唔係淨係收你一個、個個客簽卡我都照收』;  我不慎順口洩露了先進國家如美國已不再以此規矩作壓榨顧客藉口,他急促趕緊辯駁說這裡是香港不是美洲。總之想簽卡便要屈就、不屑便請掉頭走,只見他兇神惡煞似不稀罕我光顧像再多廢話便要『隻揪』、有買趁手無買快溜, 莫阻他態度惡劣坐地起價服務奇差下店裡還水洩不通的人流; 我低聲下氣心平氣和照單全收。慶幸身旁老友, 她看不過眼替我出口:『3%不是問題, 態度問題而已』才一洩我悶氣在心頭!

再到荷里活中心商場一樓, 為想購回王菲某唱片她有交叉髮夾夾在頭。我一時忘記字到唇邊卻擠不出唱片名字只知『我願意』是其中一首。售貨員似不甘予同行示弱又施展混身解數板著臉孔提高嗓喉:『甚麼王菲我願意呀、好似無隻碟叫我願意喎』地嗌出口。我被他當頭棒喝忽然拾回記憶想起碟名是『迷』便即時糾正誤繆。他順勢加鞭道:『迷』呀?『我願意』?! 語氣鄙視如詛咒。我因他服務欠奉對答欠善態度欠佳又忘了他剛才已告訴我的價目後, 又再度顫抖, 惟有咬緊牙關問他多一次再抬起頭。他:『剛剛講完你又唔記得, 駛唔駛我打個價錢落隻碟度比你呀?』便火速出手, 瞬間便將『$90』緊貼在王菲唱片封套上的右手。我已來不及反應趕不及決定是『唔該』還是『唔駛』也不知應該笑或嬲。

以上交易著實令人難於入手, 教人摸不著頭; 找不著辦法對答如流, 抓不緊時機反擊還手; 沒渠道讓大眾一洩憤憂, 有能力叫大家一世記仇。如此這般惡性循環因循守舊,這些少眾店舖難道會有出頭? 怕且只成為社會淤血令經濟腐朽, 阻礙進步有礙觀瞻格外出醜。不論顧客是長期在港居留、或是短線過港旅遊, 都清楚看得見香港與外國在服務性業界間的一道深厚鴻溝。和平與愛及友善笑臉難道香港永遠都無福消受?!

[原稿寫於 2000 年 3月1日]

Copyright © 2020 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20200202 – 多得他] ~ A Tribute to My Dearest Father (1946-2020) by 李均榮個女

在女人街看見木村拓哉掛畫海報,他於是提起飛快腳步,想立即為她買下心頭好。 不過見價錢稍為偏高,便主動開口與老闆講數︰說一百元不太值七十元好不好﹖ 檔口主人當然心中有數,知這些偶像玩意只有三分鐘熱度,現在不賣明天恐怕已成路邊雜草,不會有人肯出兩角一亳;相信今日已無人會採購數十年前的近藤真彥海報…… 故他見這樣一條『水魚』來到,不期然眉開眼笑動用其生意頭腦,便拿出他的所有海報,將笑容盡情綻露。 他為了對她的討好,毫不猶豫便掏出銀包將銀紙一數,像小影迷般買下檔中存貨的全部。 她當場拍案叫絕拍掌叫好,還立刻籌算牆上的玻璃架應該怎麼樣的分佈,可以怎麼樣的密度。

在『綠色和平』時裝店仍然存在的年度,他與她在伊利沙伯大廈踱步。 這時她正注視著櫥窗中一對法國牌子的爬山鞋上黑色格仔布,思考著價錢反映的並非是質素,而是該牌子的人氣指數;心裡盤算著若真的把它買下他的同意程度﹖ 便開始胡扯問他這雙她不會穿來爬山的爬山鞋老不老土;落不落俗套﹖ 他對她之問題不明所以不屑一顧不知所措,不如不答好;因為他知她購物從來不卻步,不吝嗇不計算不看銀行存摺簿;他不怪她揮霍無度,還贈予她無限額金色信用卡讓她於零用錢外有所幫補。 此刻他在旁極力慫恿推波助瀾警告她手快有手慢無…… 誰知當她遲疑不決之際他已搶先一步,付了錢買下了棗紅色靴子 – 大英帝國製造!

七年後她在美國轉工要另覓出路,正準備行程打算由東岸驅車駛往中部,駛向新的環境及前途。 於是提議他也陪她一度,可以因利乘便環遊美國領土。 他卻再三推搪提出種種問題和因素,推辭說來不了美國國度,抱歉說辦不到照顧周到。 還不斷千叮萬囑要她小心上路:獨自跨越美洲一個人在路途,要攜帶足夠衣服食物最新路線地圖,早晚切勿著涼切記穿著外套;更要儘量避見陌生人避免陌生路,駕車別要太長途;抵達每處務必給他報到…… 到她執拾行裝之時滿心絕望之際整裝待發之前他卻來電報告︰已經買了機票明天起步,叫她二十小時後往機場迎接他的腳步 — 原來他一早,已想著要這樣做;之前一切都是誤導,她又蠢得如此糊塗,完全地墮入他的圈套,被他這樣一來驚喜交雜的效果果然達到!

他也斷不會讓她獨上征途 – 只因為這對父女相交甚篤關係甚要好,共處全沒代溝毫無爭拗絕不枯燥! 我,這個她,要趁這個父親節向他致意為他喝采叫好;感激他提供像以上一類非常有趣的生活情操! 我還要多謝他帶予我他的妻子我的母親她衣物比我多染髮比我早、比我先用Moschino! 以及攜帶MD機和手機於老人院幫忙做義工的他的母親我的祖母! 他還給我兩個可愛的細佬:懂繪畫的一個替我剪報紙買海報儲梵高;曉結他的一個為我砌模型找音樂儲BEETLE!

[原稿寫於 2000 年 6月15日 父親節]

Copyright © 2020 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20170228.1 X Japan @ London 2017 ~ We Are X Premiere]

[20170228©winnieup.WeAreXPoster@FinsburyPark@London.UK]

Although taking the London Underground was not something new to me, when I saw the poster of the film We Are X on the walls of the tube station, I could not help but shooting tons of photographs of and with them. I did not count exactly how many stations in which this sheet of ad was advertised, but basically this ad appeared to all of the the tube stations I stepped in.

[20170228©winnieup.WeAreXPoster@KingsCrossTube@London]

In order to welcome the great day of possibly meeting Yoshiki and the director Stephen Kijak in person in a short distance at the film’s Premiere in London, as early as I could, I went to check out the Picturehouse Central location at Piccadilly Circus in London.  It was arranged that there would be Premiere of the film We Are X followed by a Q&A session with them.

I arrived at the venue three hours in advance. The Picturehouse Central is situated in London’s 19th-century, Grade II-listed Trocadero building. It is gorgeous inside and out, housing a coffee shop on the first floor and a cafe on the second, where the screens on the third floor and up.  Visiting this building could be of a relaxing and rewarding tour itself.

Immediately after entering the Picturehouse, an enormous red staircase captured my eyes. The red tiles shined all over the floor. Above the colorful staircase, countless number of light bulbs were hanging down from the ceiling irregularly. The red staircase served as the “Red Carpet” and I was told that anyone who comes in must walk through and up on the red staircase before he/she could reach the upper floors for press conference, reception party, and to any of the screens for the films.  I found a coffee table upstairs for myself and planned to spend the time before the film premiere enjoying my afternoon cake there on top of the red staircase. That must be the best spot to watch Yoshiki walk up, I thought.

After half way through my cake, unexpected I was asked to move away from the coffee table – the best spot to catch Yoshiki. The staff needed to reshuffle the seats and tables for better layout for the film premiere.  Disappointedly, I rushed to finish my cake and left my seat. At the same time, I started seeing people coming in with professional cameras, flowers, and gifts. The Picturehouse was filled with excitement, press, fans, and my heartbeat.

Suddenly, a familiar face appeared in front of me and this was the director. “Stephen,” I said to him. I thanked him for tweeting my previous article about the We Are X film. His reaction told me that he did not know me and was surprised to hear me talking to him while he was expecting someone whom he knew to escort him to the press conference area, which was held at the cafe on the second floor.

Unfortunately the responsible person did not show up on time to welcome this VIP. Poor Mr. Director was stuck at the entrance with a security guard blocking his way.  I tried to convinced the security guard that Stephen is indeed the director of the film and he should let him in. The guard insisted that without any proof he would not believe that Stephen was the director, and therefore could not let him in.

I, knowing what was going on for the past few hours, decided to help this stranger out. Several minutes later, I helped him find the organizer whom I met earlier in the cafe, and eventually the director found a way to go… Stephen was so pleased that I found him the right person so he could gain access to the press conference.  Before he entered the prohibited area, he gave me a big “thank you” by accepting my request and gladly took a selfie with me.[20170228©winnieup.StephenKijak@WeAreXPremiere.London]

It was indeed an honor to have the director tweeted my article ~ [http://winnieup.com/20170214-my-valentine-we-are-x/] and quite an interesting experience for me to be able to help and take selfie with the director. Such an incident made me feel fabulous.

It was a quarter till six o’clock, and my heart was beating faster and faster as the time went by.  Yoshiki was still nowhere to be found.  According to his Facebook, his arrival time was 6:00pm. It was a long lasting 15 minutes.  Just as what I would usually do, I walked around and talked to strangers, staff, and random people. A superstar like Yoshiki would always be late rather than being early or on time. That was what I had in my mind.

Life is, as presented in the We Are X film, unexpected, unpredictable, interesting, beautiful, and full of surprises.

While I was walking down the staircase trying to chat with the staff again, screaming noise came from the entrance. Before I could realize and react, a gorgeous gentleman with his beautiful face behind Ray-Ban sunglasses inside a red-and-black velvet long jacket appeared in front of me from virtually nowhere. “YOSHIKI” was the only word that leaked out from my month, and the only action I was able to take was to insert my right hand into my right pocket and got my iPhone out from it to shoot a photo of this smiling-and-walking-quietly-but-quickly celebrity within a nano-second  of time.
[20170228©winnieup.YoshikiArriving@WeAreX.Premiere.London]

I also carried a Nikon camera my father lent me and at that time the Nikon camera had zero efficiency and played no role to the event since my brain and arms were too slow to react. Several pounds of weight that was hanging around my neck made no sense to me at this particular moment.

Finally, this image was the only photo of Yoshiki I took with my iPhone before the Premiere, while I spent all afternoon strategically figuring out how to get the best angle and take the greatest shots of him with my Nikon camera.

Life is out of control most of the time, so is the camera sometimes.

Copyright © 2017 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20170225 X Japan @ London 2017 ~ Prelude]

[20170225©winnieup.TripToLondon@HongKong]

London.  My favorite city – amongst the cities I have visited so far in my life in the past x years.

In December 2016, I bumped into a film, “We Are X”, that “changed my perspective to life, changed my attitude to life, and changed my approach toward life.” ~ [http://winnieup.com/20170214-my-valentine-we-are-x/]  After my first encounter with X Japan introduced by the “We Are X” film on 18 December 2017, I kept going to the cinemas in Hong Kong and watched it for 5 more times. I keep doubting myself why this film did not win any awards from the Oscars (Academy Awards).  It is a shame that an awesome film like this would not be recognized for its outstanding quality.  Due to the superb quality that rarely exists in a film, I urge myself to watch it as long as it is shown in the cinema.  After the Hong Kong “special screening”, it was being shown in the “Picture Houses” in London.  I therefore watched it 3 more times in the Pictures Houses in London, and then 1 more time on a larger-than-IMAX-screen at the X Japan concert in the Wembley Arena in London a few months later.

In between, it happened that the “YOSHIKI Classical Special with Orchestra – HONG KONG” was held on 29 December 2017 in Hong Kong.  Something pathetic happened to the concert – it was nearly being cancelled.  Nevertheless, the way Yoshiki handled the situation regarding the concert matter, his reaction to what had happened, and how he treated the people who supposed to be responsible for the issue drew my attention to his personal characteristic and made me respect and appreciate him more as a human being in addition to my admiration for him being a talented musician.

I started listening to Yoshiki’s classical music, orchestral music as well as his heavy metal, hard rock, and punk music (whatever people categorize him/his band) he created for his band X Japan.  In fact, he also composed the orchestral versions for the X Japan songs and released albums for them.  The crossover between the classical and the band sounds by Yoshiki embarked such a magical effect that keeps the audience listen to their songs again and again because the songs cover wide variety of music elements on top of the already breathtaking melody and the poetlike lyrics.

After discovering the drum playing style and the piano playing skills, I understand why people could be inextricably attracted to Yoshiki. His drum playing is not only of a high-level skills presentation, that is extremely fast, precise and rhythmic, but also blends in with his body and soul.  His piano playing is not only special and sophisticated, but also a display of passion, expression, and emotion.  His playing is more than an eye-pleasing performance, it is like striving to intrude his passion and life into his audience’s heart, mind, and soul.

The more I watch X Japan’s live concert with my computer on the internet, the more I want to watch them live with my naked eyes on real stage.

Then, I heard that X Japan had planned to have a concert in my favorite city – London in March 2017.  Seriously I told myself, that I have to seize the chance to watch them.  I am not allowing myself to regret again after not listening to their music for the past 35 years and missing all of their concerts throughout the past years.  I am convinced that attending and participating a live concert of X Japan is one of the must-do things in life.

My original plan was to fly to catch the X Japan concert on the day of arrival and then spend the rest of the week traveling in London. But a wise friend of mine suggested me to swap my plan – to tour around town first, and save the best for last.  At the end, I cannot thank my friend enough, that his wisdom created the opportunity for me to see Yoshiki and met the director Stephen Kijak in person during “We Are X” Film London Premiere and the Q&A session.  My friend’s advice also led me to meet the full band of X Japan (Yoshiki, Toshl, Pata, Heath, and Sugizo) during their first-in-twenty-year’s signing event at HMV in London on the day of release of the “We are X” Soundtrack CD.

In the night of 25 February 2017, “after having lost the precious time of the past years not enjoying the best music possible found on earth“, I headed to my favorite city to see The First Live concert of my favorite band in my life.

Copyright © 2017 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20170214 ~ My Valentine: “We Are X”]

20170214_WeAreX

[20161218©winnieup. WeAreXFilm@Broadway.TheOne.TST.HK]

Before I watched the film, “We Are X”, I did not know how big X Japan was, nor do I know who Yoshiki is.

One day in December 2016, I was about to watch another movie at a cinema in Hong Kong.  A word “SOLD OUT” on one of the TV screens at the ticket counter area caught my attention. I got curious and found out that it was showing the status of the Special Screening of the film “We Are X”.

The poster of the film showed a drummer standing on top of the drum-set, and the description stated that it was a film about the band, X Japan.  X Japan, I remember seeing their vinyl album cover back in the 80s, they were heavy metal rock band from Japan.  That was all I knew about the film and the band. I did not know anything about Yoshiki.

Since I started learning drums recently, I thought watching it could be of something interesting. Out of curiosity, I bought myself the last ticket left of the next show. As such, I bumped into this film by total accident.

An accident that changed my perspective to life, changed my attitude to life, and changed my approach toward life.

People say that they watch this movie because of X Japan, or because of Yoshiki. To the entire opposite, I watch it because I know absolutely nothing at all about X Japan nor have I heard any songs being composed, performed, arranged, played, or produced by its bandleader, Yoshiki.

Yet, after watching the film, I keep watching the film.  After start listening to X Japan and Yoshiki’s music, I cannot stop listening to their music.

Now, I have a strong feeling that I have wasted the past 35 years of my life NOT listening to X Japan and Yoshiki’s songs. I feel that I have lost the precious time of the past years not enjoying the best music possible found on earth. I regretted genuinely not knowing Yoshiki earlier for the admiration of his skills of drum playing; for the discovery of cross-boundary mix of classical and rock music; plus, for the appreciation of his passion and dedication for music and piano playing so I could be practicing piano more persistently when I was a little kid.

The excitement, brings to me from a film, is that I do not know what is going on and what might appear next on the big screen. I like surprise. The fact that I know completely nothing (but their name) about X Japan brought me mind-blowing experience watching this film. I was in shock, during and after, watching this film.

Although the film appears to be presented in piecemeal format and a timeline not too easy to follow, I find it inescapably represents what it is trying to talk about: Life.  Life, as a matter of fact, is always unexpected, out of order, and fragmented; things in life could happen quite suddenly and abruptly, often similar to this manner. The way the director edits the film might have messed up the logical mindset of the audience, yet indeed it fits the mood and rhythm of the film, and sets precisely what the mode should be for this piece of documentary, ambitiously saying that life is not logical.

Life is never predictable. Unexpected incidents happen all the time. Speaking of which, due to this “total accident” bumping into this film, I submersed myself into one of the best, breathe-taking, eye-opening, and undoubtedly enjoyable moments of my life – watching the film, We Are X.

Just like a song has an intro and outro, the movie also starts and ends with gorgeous images along with beautiful music of X Japan and Yoshiki’s. The film brilliantly presents the heart of the history of X Japan with the (relatively new, 2011) song  “Jade” at the beginning of the film.  The intro is so attractive that blocks everything else away from my mind, and drives me deeply into the abyss of the film.

Usually, documentary films discuss or disclose about a story. Yet, We Are X engages a story rather than displaying it to its audience. On one hand, someone like me, who knew nothing about the band, have been educated by the film about the rich history of X Japan; at the same time, I overwhelmingly felt and experienced the successfulness and the painfulness that they had gone through throughout the years with them via the film. After a stream of dramatic yet realistic facts being presented in front of the audience, the film ends with the concert of the reunited X Japan, along with the their stunning new theme song of the film “La Venus”.

By opening with the still images of the original members of X Japan with “Jade” as the background music, and ending with the motion video of the reunited X Japan with “La Venus” plus many other mind-blowing songs of X Japan revealing the bittersweet story of the members in between. “We Are X” is not only an entertaining and documenting film, but also a brilliantly made memorable masterpiece.

No matter how many times I watch the movie, it never seems enough. The film “We are X” is not only about “death and life of X Japan”, as quoted in the flyers, it is also about everything in between: love, friendship, family, fame, depression, self-saving, self-destroying, pioneering, rebellious, innovation, boldness, pride, jealousy, selfishness, success, failure, happiness, tragedy, leadership, conflicts, lost, gain, hope, hopelessness, hatred, give-up, pain, decency, culture, society, norm, ignorance, art, music, broke-up, reunited, memory, dreams, and human being.

Life, as sophisticated as X Japan’s, can be elegant, tasteful, painful, and altogether, beautiful. In addition to its unpredictable and surprising nature, when you look back, you can still feel the abundance of it.  Although painful memories must be part of it, life can still bring you light and strength as long as you can find a way to “co-exist with the pains” (quoted from Yoshiki).

Watching “We Are X” is incomparable with watching any other film I have ever seen. Surrounded by extreme darkness, sitting in front of a huge screen, enjoying a splendid film, listening to the impressive music, glancing over the stunning images, and going through the overwhelming, dramatic, and outraging history of X Japan and Yoshiki, I feel like I am not merely watching a film, but also going through life and death and everything in between together with them, in tears and through my heart, all within 93 minutes of time.

Eventually, as of the issue date of this article, I have watched it in the cinema for six times. If it keeps being shown in the cinema, I will keep watching it again and again. Every time I watch it, it seems like layers of life of X Japan being peeled off, and different levels of fruitful yet unpredictable thunders being poured out for the audience to taste; for the eyes, for the ears, for the mind, and for the heart to grasp and absorb. I can keep watching it, and keep discovering how the director “Introducing X Japan…Japan…Japan…!

Copyright © 2017 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160808 – 是時候想念]

20160808_是時候想念

日月如梭光陰似箭,從從前對妳的痴纏,到到處遊玩不再對妳掛念,有一段時間實在不想與妳有任何牽連。 外面的世界對我來說的而且確太新鮮,而妳的歷史和存在於我已開始厭倦,所有與妳有關係的人物事情物件,我也無心關心無力點算。 東南西北四方八面,總有好奇或好事的人們向我問起妳的一點點,我漸漸,迴避逃避避免,他們的話題中有機會讓妳的名字出現;想否認曾經與妳情牽一線。 是愛得太深恨成反面,還是感情太淺﹖ 我毫無頭緒腦筋混亂,只知對妳的感覺突然消失似煙,感觸消失得這麼突然……

還清楚記得事情發生不太久遠,為了妳的努力我支持不斷,為了妳的成功我喝采難眠。 日復一日掛念,心頭腦際都在渴望妳的出現,整天回味妳令我引以為榮的出眾表現。 祗要聽著看著想著會有妳在的場面,我必定忘返地流連,要控制自己尖叫著的聲線。 我為了妳試過淚光暗閃,經歷過感動場面,感受過哽咽;妳也為了我跨越過許多試煉,付出過犧牲、承受過轉變。 當時我的心仍緊貼妳旁邊,會目不轉睛的盯著妳的臉,愛妳的所有優點及缺點,百分百的接納妳好的和壞的各方面……

捱不了多少年,我發覺自己在不擇手段,用盡辦法要將我們間的關係絕緣。 像天下間許多不幸的愛情故事一樣我們的故事沒法子繼續發展,對不起我沒有說對不起或再見,就此了斷。 原因不詳不過解釋也不短,不如不說便算。 總之總在畫清界線,我有我的生活新的打算,理不了妳有甚麼的發展,往甚麼方向盤旋;免不了都不想跟妳有任何糾纏。

不過最近我發覺自己的再次心軟,看著妳又在世人面前,綻放光芒遙遙領先,其他國家都變得失色黯然。 跳水排球羽毛球乒乓球每仗也贏得漂亮必然,離開了我四年的愛國心情突然又重新湧現心田,感動和激動的淚水,再次沾濕我面。

看著紅色五星旗緩緩升起國歌飄耳邊,也許是時候想念。 我反覆思考對祖國的情誼竟然是那麼膚淺片面,內疚感佔據著我身體髮膚的每一吋、侵蝕著我辜負了的中國遺傳!

幾年無見,最近點﹖甚念。

Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160404 – 我們的問題和我們的問題]

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娛樂版八卦週刊報章雜誌訪問,明查暗訪名人藝人;追擊直擊私事私隱。「事不關己己不勞心」~不會印證這些記者編輯身份。未經證實便謠言四起百毒皆浸,各方大眾讀者不知哪裡來的默契極度齊心,眼未看見便以耳為目人云亦云;道聽塗說眾說紛紜信以為真。甚麼也信也信也信得很!繼續跳舞自得其樂繼續追尋。

他信張三李四擺酒結婚,新郎英俊瀟洒新娘明艷照人,大家裝身扮靚去飲,明餽贈禮品、暗祝福新人;願他倆白頭偕老年生貴子美滿婚姻;卻不相信曾經有亞當夏娃這對歷史中的戀人。經年後見嬰孩出生,又會向新婚夫婦不停恭喜追問、不斷舉杯痛飲;流露滿腔興奮、滲著喜慶萬分⋯卻從不理會為什麼會出現小生命的靈魂,會是誰掌管命運?

她甚具智慧與科學精神,對學科無奇不問,對學術努力追尋,不懈地充實自己的學問,問實驗的過程原因;深入地探討哲學心理經濟管理工程各行各業各範疇各階層,反覆研究到底先有雞還是先有蛋的各樣印證及可能;卻對宇宙太空的出現不聞不問,不探究創造天地是誰人;是先有人?是先有神?還是先有大爆炸大地震?她大概相信猿猴變猿人、海浪變海參、灰塵變米粉!

聖經中馬太馬可路加約翰四福音,向世人訴說主耶穌降世救人;交代基督在世一生,捨寶血為贖罪人;若肯相信便得永生,只要簡單地首肯。但千古萬世以來的云云眾生,還是固執不信不信不信不肯!繼續冥頑不靈固步自封引火自焚。

對無關痛癢於己無益的閒人逸事我們究底尋根,對息息相關切膚之痛的信仰問題我們不暇分身,來不及發問,起不了疑心,便成了過眼煙雲!畢竟不能不算不幸!

Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160401 – 愚人節]

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告訴你一則歷史故事。

有這樣的一個女子,剛掏盡所有身家銀紙,以及未來的五年血汗換來這福士;感覺與一般新任車主無異,不敵於一剎那身份特殊;興奮難平只想晝夜高速飛馳,挑戰斜率不停朝夕低波嘗試。然而,當她減速至三十哩時,卻聽見異常聲音來自天窗方向約略與風扇所發聲音相似;心頭於是開始猶豫,怕這新車子,機件出了甚麼事;腦袋立時忐忑不已,想不如將車駛回代理公司?便當真即時,找著他們討論修理事宜。她留下鑰匙,回家等通知,一等便三小時。忙碌但盡責而友善的服務員試車後不忍取笑她無知,又不想迂迴曲折兜圈子,惟有照直向她告知:車子及機件相安無事,他們毋需轉動一口鏍絲。那聲音的而且確與風扇所發聲音相似:因為那是在時速三十哩時,有風穿越天窗所致。檢查報告指一切運作如常操作自如有如簇新車子~哦, 原來如此!

她放下心頭大石後拉下倘大窗子, 讓疾風吹著她無限愜意, 顧著開心便忘記甚麼是「何需掛齒」,不怕陽光離異,不覺陰雲蔽虧凌厲時雨將至⋯⋯過了很多個一會兒, 她決定將旅程稍為停止,回家做點事。怎知,翌日起來大件事!她延續著昨日情痴,又再事不宜遲,大清早起來便拔腿飛身撲向軑盤位置;卻發現沒有關那倘大的窗子!才醒悟昨晚離車時,抽身頓走關門了事!她欲哭無淚痛心疾首後悔不已;目瞪口呆望著濕透了的地毯酸透了鼻子。她熬了一整小時,花盡了心思、用吸水機吸盡所有水份子。她照盡了鏡子、費盡了唇舌向自己訓辭:不可不可不可再有下次!

她小心翼翼平穩過渡了三百六十五日次,認為那已是滑鐵盧一役元氣已大傷不會再魯莽大意。心疼心愛車子,水深似水塘樣子!故從此以後每次泊車時,不得不特別留意,定必保證左邊門窗已牢牢關上令空氣無隙可乘雨水無計可施。今次, 她正在品嚐著西雅圖咖啡安躺在柔軟梳化椅、聽雷電交加看細雨絲絲、追憶著剛才泊車時的動作舉止。在另一次閃電時她心頭卻突然閃過一陣寒意:想到沿路曾嫌天氣翳悶風不過耳,便順手牽開了天窗容空氣流通避免與車內的侷促對峙……想起來好像是這麼一回事~噢!又再來一次,可憐福士又讓洪水淹至!唉,真不濟事!

朋友同情憐憫之餘也無可奈何只可以笑置之;我,這女子,勸自己切勿重蹈覆轍切記重門深鎖徹底慎而重之之同時,也只好銘記這幾節娛人的愚人故事!

Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.

[20160327 – 復活節]

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今年的復活節去不成日本長野附近、一處叫白馬的地方滑雪旅行~其實早於數週前的三月頭已跟朋友同行,於這山頭滑雪板滑上了癮,一直有顆「趁四個紅日再過白色假期」的野心。可惜我的野心,始終不敵於假期時份、機票價格格鬥的天昏地暗,令我這個正常人,覺得付兩倍以上的機票價錢怎說也心有不甘、一個月內二遊日本似乎也有些過份。結果我選擇了重動腦筋、轉載覆述 n 年前發生於我身上一些有關「復活」的幾節逸事趣聞。

***

在福士車主朋友苦口婆心叮囑忠告警告我我不領好心,似已立心決心放心買下我第一部Volkswagon。 不過我其實優柔寡斷滿腦疑心,不時借故向他質問,問甚麼令他對這德國牌子車子缺乏信心?有若干證據有多少確鑿有幾許推成份?危險程度又是否媲美RX Seven?抑或原是由於此車廠名堂太響面目可憎?朋友見好言相勸軟硬兼施仍贏不了我對他絲毫信心,祗剩我滿口疑問,和剔不掉的一些笨;他便坦言相向告訴我知他不知這車子何時有毛病發生,只知毛病有隨時發生的可能⋯⋯這便是問題的根。我勉強附和了他毋寧兩可的答問,不好意思徒添他對其車子頻壞的怨恨、不好挑起他的不忿,不好氣氛。

結果我還是動了手動了筆桿動了身,接受了貸款承受了代步的方便享受了可以隨意到處兜風旅行:身體力行,體現了做車主的身份。怎料某天我的 GTI 無緣無故竟亮不了車尾燈,我才隱約記起我好友的教訓:『不知這車子何時有毛病發生,只知毛病有隨時發生的可能⋯⋯』 但我向自己解釋說:『三年時間已過利刀也會鈍了刃, 何況燈泡壽命完結並非沒可能。』 我以繁忙為藉口以節儉為理由地掏了三個月也掏不出金錢時間換這盞小燈,由它暗自昏暗!~然而可幸也可恨:這車尾燈卻在沒帶任何外力挿手下無端復原再次亮燈,減了我的費心增了我的趣聞!

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這邊廂我在慶幸,那邊廂看著油價急升使我落魄失魂。 我見油費和郵費不停穩步上揚逐日激增,不禁黯然自家與各界升斗市民,分分秒秒惶惶人心。那天我入油後顧著抱怨石油出口商人及政府官員的忍心,任油價高昇企穩;顧不著入油程序怎樣履行,便怒氣沖沖的驅車開行,如常到自動洗車機器把車子清潔同時讓自己的悶氣洗滌壓沉。可惜被壓沉了的怒氣在稍後卻又再暴漲奔騰,半小時車程完畢後我才發現油缸蓋子不翼而飛油缸小門不曾關緊,才回憶起剛才洗車時有高壓猛水狂噴,我便眉頭一皺心頭一緊,想像著油缸內被高壓注入滿污水泥塵;唉~嗚呼哀哉車子的油缸蓋丟了又有油缸入水之可能,心頭頃刻密佈慘霧愁雲。我抱著一點憤怨和半點希望趕回油站附近,四處張目掃看不住向人探問,祈望會遇上有心人,會在路上拾遺拾起蓋子拾回我車子完整的存在感! ~然而耐心換開心:最終竟讓我發現它安躺在洗車場內又幾經沖洗浸,反弄得乾淨俐落油漬去盡煥然一新!

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當我正在公司與同事分享這罕有福份,和分析時局論油價飛漲局勢不穩⋯卻不知何時潛入了賊仔竟超音速地完成了偷竊暴行:在我離開工作桌子不過數分鐘之時間內進行。我在沒任何線索毫無頭緒破案無門之時只有於心不忍、對身邊所有同事大起疑心、對各界築起防線小心慬慎。銀行向我透露說賊人已運用了我的信用卡動用了銀行資金,地點是某油站時間是早上十一時零七分。我欲藉此蛛絲馬跡陌路追尋,奢望會查出真相實情找出真兇是誰人。我報失報警落案望歹徒報應落網將所偷銀包回贈,可是這當然是妙想天開沒甚可能;警察又視之為瑣碎小事說損失不過幾元美金,幹嗎如此著緊?!我唯有對警方失望死心, 對賊方懷恨在心, 對己方深表遺憾。

一百個失落的小時內我無援地等,一面思考著失蹤錢包內我珍貴照片和「士啤」車匙的命運;一千萬樣破案的途徑與可能,一直縈繞心坎,一度天昏地暗!~然而好消息替代好消沉:有不知名好心人留言在電話錄音,告知某天他路過高速公路恰遇交通意外發生,便停車幫忙救人。他剛踏上路旁草坪便見我的信用卡身份証給灑得遍地繽紛!我取回了他拾獲的部分被偷物品,卻發現沒有照片及車匙的份,心頭仍有不甘,便即時趕往事發現場自己派自己展開地毯式搜尋,看看經過雷雨強風的數天後還有否奇蹟發生?結果是『皇天不負有心人』或是『祈禱蒙天父應允』?~在野花叢中珍貴照片被重尋、在雜草堆中「士啤」車匙獲重生!

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Copyright © 2016 winnieup. All Rights Reserved.